


Rose Hips Don't Lie

by resoundingdeluge



Category: RWBY
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resoundingdeluge/pseuds/resoundingdeluge
Summary: Ruby has found a new shampoo and body wash that make her smell incredible, and the world needs to know.
Kudos: 6





	Rose Hips Don't Lie

" _Weiss!_ "

The heiress instinctively bristled at the sound of her name being called, or more accurately, _shrieked_ from within the bathroom. She knew it was only a matter of time before the source of the noise would come capering over to her, rendering the pitchy screeching even louder. Weiss closed her eyes and braced herself for the impact of yet more noise, and grit her teeth as her team leader began to speak from just over her shoulder.

"Weiss! Smell me! You've _gotta_ smell me! I smell incredible!"

For a split second, Weiss considered simply obeying her leader's request and hoping that it would be enough to make Ruby go away. In the remaining portion of that second, her senses returned to her, and she instead opened her eyes and batted away the milky white hand looming just over her shoulder.

" _Ow!_ What the heck, Weiss!?" Ruby groaned as she pulled her hand back to her towel-covered chest like a wounded animal clutching its paw. She was clad in a fluffy red bath towel, with another white one tied around her neck to emulate her ever-present cape.

"Are you wearing my _towel?_ " Weiss hissed as she spun around in her seat and braced an arm over the backrest. Her features twisted into a hateful scowl as she regarded the gently fluttering, damp, and suddenly _tainted_ cloth that had once been her towel knotted firmly around Ruby's neck. Weiss momentarily imagined replacing the makeshift garment with her hands, but managed to restrain herself from acting out the fantasy.

"Yup! Well, it's _my_ towel, now," Ruby corrected with a cheeky grin as she kept a fair distance away from Weiss. "Whatcha studyin'? No time for a quick sniff?"

Weiss narrowed her eyes, and felt her left brow twitch as she watched Ruby drip water into the carpet. " _No_ , and I'm studying for Professor Port's exam, which is _tomorrow_. Why on Remnant would I… smell you, anyway? If you got into the cookies again, I'm not covering for you, this time. Not without sufficient blackmail, which, to my knowledge, you don't presently possess."

"Um…" Ruby stammered awkwardly, while pressing her pointer fingers together. "We'll talk about that later! But… smell me!"

"No!"

" _Smell me!_ "

" _No!_ "

"Weiss, you _have_ to smell me!" Ruby cried desperately. "I just tried out a new shampoo and body wash, and I smell _amazing!_ Even Yang thinks I smell… _sexy_ ," she finished with a terrible attempt at an alluring tone.

Weiss merely stared as her mouth slowly fell slightly agape. Eventually, she had the presence of mind to slam it shut, and turned back to her book with a thumb and pointer finger daintily holding her nostrils shut.

" _No_. Most definitely not. _I'm_ busy, _you're_ annoying, and _that_ is just weird," Weiss finished as she turned the page in her textbook. Her proclamation was met with a pained scoff, followed by the nebulous, rather soft sound of a bare foot impacting carpet in a petulant stomp.

" _Fine!_ Then I'm going to go and get _other_ people to smell me, and acknowledge my… my evanescence!" Ruby declared defiantly as she stomped her way back toward the bathroom.

Weiss grumbled softly to herself as she tried to put Ruby out of her mind, and failed. "Ruby, that's the fear of fading from memory. Not a word for scent."

"Uh… effervescence?" Ruby tried, her voice muffled from within the bathroom.

"…bubbling from a chemical reaction," Weiss deadpanned as she took her forehead into her hand.

"Effulgence!" Ruby corrected.

"That's emitting light!" Weiss cried with exasperation. "Stop trying to use fancy words, and call it an aroma!"

"Aroma! That's the one!" Ruby cried triumphantly as she leapt from the bathroom, arms spread wide and her typical black and red outfit upon her.

"Leave. Just… leave," Weiss pleaded as she closed her eyes and pointed toward the door.

"Alright, but I'll be back, and you'd _better_ be ready to smell all of this action by then. It's _divine_ ," Ruby teased as she made her way out the door.

Weiss felt nothing but existential dread as she felt her forehead hit the pages of her book and let out a frustrated groan.

* * *

" _Jaune!_ "

"Wah!" the blonde teen cried in fright as Ruby's voice came from just over his shoulder.

"No! No time to scream!" Ruby chided as she zipped around in front of the boy, who took several cautious steps backward. "Smell me!"

"I… what?" Jaune asked with a series of curious blinks. Somehow, he imagined he suddenly knew what a cornered rabbit felt like as a fox was closing in. "How did you get in here? Why should I smell you?"

"The door was unlocked!" Ruby informed as she put her arm out and used the other to roll up a sleeve. "Smell!"

Jaune looked from Ruby to Pyrrha, who was lounging upon her stomach atop her bed while reading a textbook. Jaune pulled lightly at his collar and cleared his throat, only for his voice to crack as he called out.

"Pyrrha… help! Ruby's lost it!"

"Hm?" Pyrrha asked as she looked up, seemingly lost in thought. "Oh, I'm just so used to Ruby barging into the dorm that I wasn't aware that something was wrong. How can I help?" she asked as she slipped off the bed and into a stretch, only to have Ruby whirl on the spot and begin advancing toward her.

"Perfect! Pyrrha, you'll smell me, right!?" Ruby pleaded. The taller girl shared Jaune's reaction of blinking several times, but remained rooted in place as her cheeks flushed.

"I… I _suppose_ I could smell you, yes," Pyrrha admitted as Ruby finally closed the distance. She looked over Ruby's head to find Jaune making a hasty retreat for the bathroom, and softened her expression into one of pleading. It was enough to get Jaune to stop in his tracks and return to the center of the room, where Pyrrha offered him a nod of thanks.

"Awesome! Arm first, then hair," Ruby instructed with deadly seriousness.

Pyrrha slowly dipped forward until her nose nearly touched Ruby's skin, and then breathed a quick inhale. A wondrous, ill-fitting scent filled her nostrils, and she found that the unexpected freshness and allure of the fragrance caused her blush to intensify. As she leaned back upward and put a hand to her mouth, her cheeks turned a shade to match her hair.

"Oh _wow_ … is that…"

"Rose hips!" Ruby declared proudly as she bent forward a bit. "I rubbed extra on my hips, too!"

"I… don't think that's how that works…" Jaune pointed out, only for Ruby to shoot him a glare over her shoulder.

" _That's absolutely how that works!_ "

"Okay, okay!" Jaune admitted as he raised his hands. "That's how it works!"

"That is indeed how it works," Pyrrha agreed with an apologetic look to Jaune as she bent forward and took a whiff of Ruby's hair. Again, she was assaulted with an overpowering, unusual scent that didn't quite seem to fit Ruby with its sophistication and allure.

"…mango?" Pyrrha guessed.

"Mango!" Ruby sang triumphantly as she straightened up. "Your turn, Jaune! Pyrrha did it! Don't you want to impress her with your daring bravery?" she taunted as she turned back toward the leader of JNPR.

Jaune sighed mightily, and took a quick sniff of Ruby's arm, and then her hair, avoiding Pyrrha's eyes all the while. Finally, he straightened up and locked eyes with his teammate, only to find her giving him a worried expression that matched the pit forming in his stomach.

"Yeah, uh… you smell nice," Jaune offered as he scratched the back of his head. "Really nice, actually."

"Thanks!" Ruby said with a grin as she clasped her hands behind her back, only to unlatch them as she looked toward the door. "I knew I could count on you guys, but _more people need to know!_ I'll catch you later!" she said with a small wave, before zipping out of the door at top speed.

Jaune slowly lowered his hand and let his eyes linger on the doorway. "…didn't that scent seem a little… _familiar?_ "

"Yes," Pyrrha agreed with a grimace.

"Isn't it… do you think that was…?" Jaune asked, unable to bring himself to finish the question.

"It has to be. It's _exactly_ the same," Pyrrha pointed out, her tone full of unease.

"…she's dead, isn't she?" Jaune asked.

" _So_ dead," Pyrrha agreed.

* * *

" _Emerald!_ "

The green-haired former thief jolted slightly on reflex alone as Ruby grabbed her arm from behind. She spun in place and wrenched her wrist out of Ruby's grasp with an unnecessary amount of force while Mercury and Cinder looked on with curious expressions from either side of her. For a moment, Emerald's expression and tone were full of hatred for Ruby before she remembered to maintain her façade, and softened both significantly.

"Don't… _please_ don't do that," Emerald finished sweetly. "I… startle easily, you could say. What's going on?"

"Sniff me!" Ruby demanded as she held out her arm in what had become a familiar routine. Without hesitation, Mercury leaned forward and ran his nose along the length of Ruby's arm, inhaling deeply the entire way. He hiked a brow as he stood straight once again in his new spot between the girls with his hands in his pockets.

"… _wow_. Rose hips, huh?" He watched with a bored expression as Ruby leaned forward, and he sniffed her hair immediately. "And mango. It's nice. Really nice, actually. Go on, Em. Give her a sniff."

Emerald glared daggers at her companion before leaning in and taking a short whiff. Her eyes widened as she pulled back, only to be compelled to dive into a world of bountiful fragrance once again as Ruby offered her arm.

"…alright, that's… _new_. New, and really, really good."

"What is _wrong_ with you two?" Cinder asked with a scowl as she walked forward, her high heels clicking against the tile of the hallway. "Who is this girl, why are you smelling her, and what's going on?"

"Trust us," Mercury said with a noncommittal shrug. "We wouldn't steer you wrong."

Cinder merely rolled her eyes and took a quick inhale of Ruby's arm, before lowering her nose to the smaller girl's hair. She leaned back silently, and folded her arms across her chest.

"…it's good, isn't it?" Emerald asked, only to receive no response from her leader.

"Err… well… it was nice meeting you two, and thanks, Emerald!" Ruby chirped with a small wave. "I've gotta get going, though. Lots more people to see!"

Ruby took off once again, scattering rose petals in her wake as she engaged her semblance to fly down the hallway at top speed.

"…Mercury," Cinder said in an icy voice.

"Yes, ma'am?" he replied with a curious look.

"…get me several bottles of that body wash and shampoo. Immediately," Cinder commanded without sparing him so much as a look.

* * *

" _Sun!_ "

"Oh gods, I didn't do it! Wait, what's going on?"

" _Penny!_ "

"You are emanating an odd fragrance, Ruby Rose. Are you experiencing a chemical imbalance?"

" _Cardin!_ "

"What do you want, twerp?"

" _Professor Oobleck!_ "

"Ruby Rose? I'll have you know, my office hours are clearly stated on a plaque just outside the door, and I currently have no time to engage in any non-critical conversation. If you have an inquiry related t-"

" _Roman Torchwick!_ "

"Wh-… how did you even get onto the prison ship!? Go away!"

" _Coco!_ "

"What's up, kid?"

" _Blake!"_

"Ruby, this is a library. Keep it down."

" _Dad!_ "

"Ruby? What are you doing at home? Don't you have classes going on right n-"

After a full day of speeding around campus, and to a few other locations, Ruby returned to her dormitory exhausted, breathing heavily, and still smelling incredible. Weiss immediately cringed as she heard the door open, and then looked out the window. The shattered moon was high in the darkened sky, and Weiss rose from her seat while folding her arms incredulously.

"Ruby, have you been out asking people to sniff you _all day?_ "

"Yup!" Ruby replied breathlessly before approaching and holding out her arm. "And everyone… agrees… that I smell _amazing_. Now, will you _please_ sniff? You're missing out!"

Weiss let out a noise that she hadn't known she was capable of making until that very moment, somewhere between a groan and a scream. She balled her fists and stomped forward before bending over and taking a quick sniff of Ruby's arm. Suddenly, she snapped back to standing upright, and gave her companion a suspicious glare.

"Is that… _rose hips?_ "

"Uh-huh," Ruby affirmed before leaning forward. "And now the hair!"

Weiss could feel hot anger boiling within her chest, but leaned forward and repeated the process just to confirm her suspicions.

"And _mango_. The body wash from a pink bottle with a green cap, and the shampoo from an ice blue one with a golden cap?" Weiss seethed.

"Um… yeah? How did you…?" Ruby asked as all color began to drain from her face.

"Because those are _my_ shampoo and body wash, and I was almost out!" Weiss fumed, baring her teeth. "How much is left!?"

"Uh… w-well… you see…" Ruby began while twisting the ball of her foot into the floor, before raising her eyes to meet Weiss' with the most innocent smile she could muster. "None…?"

" _Ruby!_ "

Once again, Ruby Rose sped out of the dormitory as quickly as she could, though this time, she had an enraged Weiss in tow.


End file.
